Give and Take
Hello all. Today is the day for a little personal rant about something that's been stewing for quite some time. This rant is about 'takers'.
Now, to be fair and just, 'takers' wouldn't be who they are without people like me. I'm a 'giver'. I really like to give. In the past, I have given money, objects, favors and support to people that I consider a friend. Perhaps I jump too quickly into the friendship canoe, but hey, I like very few people, and when I like you, I give.
And I'm not ranting because I expect THINGS back in return. Oh, no. No money at all do I seek. I think that I really just give to show that I respect and like someone, and I hope to receive friendship and respect in return. Just a little.
But time, after time, after time, my hopes have been dashed upon the pointy rocks of reality. And the reality is that the more that you do for some people, the less that they think of doing anything for you. Your kind words, gestures and proven solidarity are taken for granted and you become...well, wiped on. I have had this happen over the years. It always stings, but sometimes, it really hurts.
So, readers, few but kind, let me know how you honestly feel. I need to gain a different viewpoint, and if you think that I'm to blame, then tell me! It's the only way that I may begin to learn.
Comments
Hi giver. I'm a giver too and it's no coincedence that I stumbled upon your blog post tonight. I was just earlier upset because of so much giving and giving that I'd done in the past 6 or so months for a very close friend. I was upset because tonight I didn't hear or receive from him enough or any thank you's or atta boy's. Truthfully it's my own fault because 1 thankyou should be enough and if I was giving solely for the sake of giving I wouldn't even be looking for that 1 thankyou. I think I need to reevaluate my philanthropic opinion of myself and re think how genuine I am.
I'm not saying that is what you need to do at all. I only realize that after my own bitching and moaning to myself all evening about how ungrateful such and so is after all I've done for him I realize that I'm the one in the wrong.
Take care and I'll share with you a saying that I've always used in regards to loaning money but it applies nicely to all things,
"only loan what you can afford to give"
I guess that means that we should only give or do what we can really afford to part with in absence of recognition or even our perception of gratitude.
I'm really sorry that you had to feel that way today, too. It sounds as if you really put a lot of heart into helping your friend, though. And money and objects are just placeholders for what we're really giving. Which is ourselves.
If you feel that you need the self-examination, there is no finer thing that one can do. Really, it's the goal of our lives...to find as much out about ourselves as possible, yes?
But ask yourself this: When you are on the receiving end of a friend's attention, favor, support, etc., do you feel that you show enough gratitude and respect? I always try to let people know that I'm appreciative. But alas, people are individuals who react differently.
Who knows, maybe we should just be 'takers' for a little while to even the score. :) Thanks for the wonderful wisdom!!!!
You really have been the best friend I've ever had. We are truly a matched set. We have different personality traits, but we are so similar right beneath the skin...where it counts. Thank you for your help. Your words mean the most, you know!!!
Being a giver is nothing to be disappointed about, not that I think you are. It should be praised and admired!!! I too feel like I spend so much time trying to be friends with my "friends". At some point though, I think you just have to cut the rope and be done with it, otherwise it's not really a friendship, it's only a giver and taker completing a transaction.
BTW, I really hope me not doing your "tag" post had anything to do with this!?!?! If so, I'm sorry.
I'm not disappointed about being a natural giver, but I get disappointed about how many natural users I know. The rope cutting analogy that you gave is where I am right now. I have some people that have been snipped. :)
That post was about REAL life. Not about anyone that I have never actually met. No worries. Please don't give the 'tag' post another thought, okay? It's nice to hear from you!